Tuesday, January 3, 2012

What a Year

2011.... What a year. Phew.  I made one resolution and one resolution only: Take more risks.  I think it’s safe to say that I kept that resolution.  Let’s recap the last year.
2011 started out like nearly every other year before that.  I was content.  Things were safe.  Up til that point, I hadn’t taken many risks.  At least, not on my own.  J and I were living in Jersey, just doing out thing.  I had an incredible job doing recruiting, marketing, and PR for a private events music company.  2011 started out great.  Then things got interesting.  By the end of January, I started to really question my marriage.  Things hadn’t felt right for quite some time... but by December of 2010, they got wicked weird.  So, by late January, the sense of entrapment ensued.  February 1st, I started my second contract with a non-profit organization in New York City.  This organization changed my outlook on so many things.  I learned about passion and corruption, community and self-preservation, motivation and deception.  The people at this organization also taught me a lot.  AMAZING people.  It is within this organization that I met two of the strongest, most beautiful native women I’ve ever encountered (aside from the women in my own family, of course).  They inspired me and encouraged me to make the best decision of my life.  March 10th, 2011: J and I separated.  I didn’t move out... mostly because I was afraid if I did, he‘d leave the lease all to me and I’d get screwed when he stopped paying.  Not that he’d do that...but it was threatened at one point...  He refused to move out... so I moved all my shit out into the living room and slept there.  Luckily, my contract with the second organization was pretty demanding, so I was only home to sleep and shower.  This routine continued for two months until the contract ended April 30th... the same day my sister graduated from a 19 month long, life-changing program that probably saved her life.  Actually, no probablies about it.  It truly did.  
May 9th, 2011... the final confrontation commenced between J and I.  At this point, he still didn’t get that our separation was final (even though we hadn’t talked in months...not too bright, I tell ya).  I had one final question for him, of which I knew the answer.... and he lied.  I already had my mind made up at that point about what I’d do if he wasn’t honest.  So....
May 10th, 2011... two years to the day that I left Maine, I moved back.  I left jers with nothing except the clothes on my back (and a car full of clothes as well... WHAT? I’m the kind of girl that knows what she likes... don’t judge).  
I spent the whole month of May in Milbridge.  Anyone that has spent any significant amount of time in Milbridge knows how painful of a transition that was.... especially from New York City.... but it was perfect.  My mom and step padre were incredible.  It was such a difficult time and they were amazing. 

June 13th, 2011.... I moved in with two of my best friends.  They got me a job AND let me live with them= amazing, compassionate, self-less people.  I started my new job... something completely different.... but different isn’t always bad.  This job kicked my ass.  I’m used to being awesome.  Nope. Not at this job.  
Whoa... okay... I started writing that first part yesterday.  I have to warn ya, I’m sick.  I’m a big ol baby. I only have a cold, but wow...you would think by looking at me that I had scurvy or something equally as awesome.  But anyway...I took NyQuil like 6 minutes ago, so I can’t guarantee that this post won’t get a little silly.  I’ll do my best.
September 26th, 2011: The divorce was final.  J didn’t even show up.  Awesome.  Loved standing before the judge alone. Bastard.  No worries. I threw myself a party.  Great times. Great people. Ahhh I just love Belfast.
The months of October, November, and December seemed to pass by in a blur.  One dramatic experience to another.  I got my heart broken.  It was humiliating.  I never even meant to let him in, but I did and he played games with me.  I haven’t shared this story with y’all yet....would you care to hear?
For a couple months I was talking to an old friend (I guess we were kind of friends) who was overseas, serving a tour of Afghanistan.  We talked for hours everyday.  We’d skype and message each other.  By the end of our first conversation rekindling our friendship, we had nicknames for one another.  Yeah, I know, it was THAT good.  He was such a breath of fresh air.  No games.  He was honest about everything.  He fed me lines about how he never felt such a strong connection with someone so fast... and like an idiot, I fell for them.  I opened up.  I shared shit with this fool that I haven’t even told my closest friends.  
Well... we made plans for him to visit while he was on leave.  Good and dandy.  Well... like 4 days before he was supposed to come visit, he mentioned that things were busier than he thought and he was experiencing some family stuff and he wouldn’t really be able to come that weekend but that he’d still love to see me.  Me, being the compassionate retard I am, figured he was legit.  So, I wished him luck and guaranteed that we’d figure it out while he was still home.  So, instead of hanging out at home that weekend, I went to Portland to visit my Dad.  While I was there, I stopped in the mall for like 15 minutes to try to find a dress for my Holiday Gala at work the next weekend.  No luck.  The mall was insane.  People everywherrrrrre. And y’all know how much I hate people.  Not all people, just ignorant people.  Anyway... I was just leaving the mall.  I was walking around, just minding my own business.... and I don’t know about you, but when I’m at stores, I don’t really check people out.  I just kinda keep to myself. I window shop and dilly dally around.  Well, I just so happened to look across the mall at a couple that was walking in the opposite direction on the other side of the aisle.  It was him.  And a girl.  I was stunned. Shocked.  My heart fell into the pit of my stomach.  My jaw literally dropped and I stopped in the middle of holiday foot traffic.  I watched him walk away.  He didn’t see me.  I thought about chasing him... but then I thought that would be creepy.  Regardless... I was virtually surprised.  He fooled me.  How could I let him fool me?  I texted him and he made up some bullshit that I was planning on going to NYC (I decided to go only AFTER he told me he couldn’t go) and that he hadn’t meant to lead me on.  BULLLLLLLLLshit.  He played me.  Oh, he played me goooood.  Touche.  Nice work, playa.  Didn’t see that one coming.  Well... to follow-up, he and the girl I saw him with are dating now.  I wonder if she knows about all the bull he fed me?  Maybe he fed her the same lines.  Probably.  I have no faith in humans.  He knew this.  He proved me right. 
So, I fumed over this for a good 15 minutes.  Okay... more than a week, but then it donned on me... of ALLLL the friggin people in that mall that day, of all the places, the timing, everything... what are the chances?  I don’t know about you, but I believe everything happens for a reason.  Because of this, I got over this fool.  He may have effed with me, but I’m the one that won in the end... I mean... could you imagine the heartbreak otherwise?  Seeing is believing.  I clearly needed to see that.  I just hope he realizes how awful of a person he is.  He knew I didn’t give second chances.  Life is too short to eff with assholes.  Well, it’s safe to say that I haven’t talked to him since.  Will I?  I can’t say for sure.  But I just know he hit a tough spot.  He knew I didn’t play games, yet he played the biggest game of all.  Ahhhh. Friggin humans.  I know no one is perfect, but you can’t say you don’t know that you’re going to hurt someone when you eff with their head.  Useless.
To top off my year, on Christmas Eve, I find out J is getting married.... in a week.  On New Years Eve, evidently J tied the knot with some unsuspecting victim.  Say WHAT? Uhhh.... awkward.  Wow. Crazy.  If you read my last post, you know how that makes me feel... but if not, I’ll sum it up in one word: shit.  Jealous? Possibly a little.  Angry? Hell yeah.  What the eff?  Oh well, that’s his funeral.  I’m never getting married again.  Evidently I didn’t damage him enough to discourage him from ever considering marriage again.  He should be thanking me.  
Also on Christmas eve, I got my step padre a scratch off that won he and mi madre $25,000.00.  Not kidding.  BOBDOW kept saying it was the best Christmas ever.  hahaha.  I’d say so.  I think I gave the best gift, not gonna lie.  ....I’m still waiting for that finder’s fee.  Just sayin.  
New Years Eve was phenomenal.  I spent it with some of my favorites.  Oh... and I have  boyfriend now.  I know, I know... I’m retarded.  I complain about everything and then BAM! SURPRISE!!!! I bet you’re wondering where he came from!?  Yeah... not really gonna share that jazz yet, because it’s still so new (we’ve been dating for a whole 6 days... so give me a break).  But to give you an idea... he and I have been talking for months.  He’s a great guy.  He was very persistent.  Quite confident. I had to give him a shot.  Especially since he gave me his shoes to walk home in after the Holiday Gala (he walked back in socks) after I refused to wear my 5 inch heels during my trek up mount everest.  Told ya... great guy.  Me... not as much of a great girl, clearly.  I made the guy walk home in socks and cut his feet all to pieces because of vanity.  But trust me, it was worth it.  Smoooookin.    
It was a big year for the Fitch/Stanley/Dow household.  Krista and her boyfriend bought a house.  BJ and his wife had a baby.  Sarah got married. Donald bought a house AND got engaged.  Oh... and Sonja got a divorce.  Who’s the screwup in this family now?  And we all thought it would be Donnie.  Just kidding, D!  I’ll own the title for a little while, but no worries, I plan on giving it back to one of you.  
Things are finally starting to turn around.  I haven’t been this happy or in tune with my own needs, likes, and desires in my entire life.  I’m the luckiest girl in the world.  
THANKS FOR READING AGAIN.  I like all the feedback I’ve been getting, so PLEASE!!! Keep it coming!  Send me a facebook message if you have questions, comments, or if you have specific things you’d like to see included in future posts.  I’m all eyes, babe.  <3